How can a person live in a house filled with people and still feel lonely?
How on earth can one person take care of everything in one household? By "everything," I am referring to the cooking, the cleaning (which is endless), schooling, disciplining, organizing, bill paying, laundry, carpooling and normal up keep of the running of a household.
There are days when the tasks ahead of me are so completely overwhelming that I can barely breathe.
I love my family, don't get me wrong. They are all uniquely given to me by the Father above and I want to care for them and love them as best as I possibly can. However, in doing that, I have to accept all the "everything" else that goes along with loving and caring for them the best that I can. The responsibility of it all weighs on me so heavily and there are days that it is all I can do to not get in the car and drive to.....I have no idea where, but somewhere.
Right now, as I type, I have what feels like a million things that I should be doing instead of putting thoughts on this screen! There is laundry to be flipped over and folded, socks, shoes, legos and toys all over this house that need picked up, dusting in the den (since I can write my name on the shelf now) and let's not mention that the vacuum broke over the weekend and the carpets are in desperate need of vacuuming. See, I told you, a million things on my mind. And I'm supposed to remember where one specific piece of mail went to over a week ago?? How on earth? Someone told me "To write is therapy", so I'm trying. I'm not sure it amounts to anything, but if at the end of the day, this journaling helps my attitude, then I suppose it will be worth the 30mins I've allotted for this.
You've got it- 30mins and no more! I don't care terribly about the grammar or punctuation rules either, so if you are reading and you want to pick this apart- be my guest. I'm not really going to care, because worrying about the grammar would just be one more thing on the dumb should-do list.
That dumb list! I wish I could just burn it or pretend it doesn't exist, but I can't. Maybe that's why I feel so lonely, because no one else seems to live worried about the tasks for this family, just me. Everyone else seems to have their own list and the two lists often times don't overlap enough...that must be where the lonely comes from.
1 comment:
Glad you are back. Everyday just do the best you can and take it one day at a time. God has given you an awesome task and you make it look so easy. Hang in there. Sometimes you need an outlet to vent and let it all out even 30 minutes at a time.
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